“Right. Money isn’t everything—what’s the other thing again?”

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“Last night I dreamed in e-mail.”

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“Look, you’re never going to make any progress in therapy if you keep blaming other people for your problems.”

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“I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off.”

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“Look, making you happy is out of the question, but I can give you a compelling narrative for your misery.”

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“Now, we can get all those repressed memories the easy way or the hard way.”

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“Look, you’re not the only one with problems.”

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“But if you cure my hypochondria I won’t have any hobbies.”

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“Just because you work at a bad bank doesn’t make you a bad banker.”

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“You’re depressed? My depression makes your depression look like euphoria.”

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Add Your Own Caption Week #340

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"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

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“Believe me, your problems are minor compared to A-Rod’s.”

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“I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass.”

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