“You’re a lucky man—a little bit to the left and you’d be a goner.”

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“Uh-oh, your coverage doesn’t seem to include illness.”

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“Well, yes, it’s a routine procedure—if you routinely have someone slice open your body with sharp instruments and then fiddle with your insides.”

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“My doctor told me to take it easy.”

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“I huffed and I puffed and I blew their house down, and now my head’s hot and I ache all over.”

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“O.K., let’s just have a look-see at this pre-mortem.”

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“I know we agreed to a period of watchful waiting, but this is more watchful than I bargained for.”

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“Your reaction is not uncommon. A lot of my patients experience ’roid rage.”

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“O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?”

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“Well, Bob, it looks like a paper cut, but just to be sure let’s do lots of tests.”

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”You’re sicker than I think.”

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“I don’t know, Doc, a man can ‘spring forward’ and ‘fall back’ just so many times.”

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“Let me through—I’m the victim!”

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“Looks like you’re out for the season—you’ve got a torn rotator cuff.”

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